Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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