Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
