I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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