We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
