Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
