there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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