someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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