Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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