he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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