I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
