Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
