We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
