Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
