it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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