I just pynch a tree in the face
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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