We need to rekindle our bromance
operation have a gay friend backfired
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
