Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
