I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
