I'm so fucking centered right now
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
