if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
