i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
