so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
