didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she smelled like a LAN party
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Boobs are out for the taking
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
