No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
