why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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