you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
