So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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