ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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