They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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