OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
