Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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