FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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