i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
as a side note pls kill me
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