apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
