I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
