i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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