My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
