i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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