It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
