yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
