i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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