Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize