I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
