his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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