I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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