I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
