My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
