Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
