On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
