I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
