dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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