Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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