i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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