You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
