dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
