Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
