I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
