I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
