i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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