ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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