That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So much rum. So many feels.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
