dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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