After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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