I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
