We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
not ubering you a puppy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
