I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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