So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he shaved USA in his pubs
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
